Trigger Warning

Yep - for all of al the things that could be triggering…

I must admit this was a heavy - but very good week (? it’s fucking Wednesday) here on Substack.

I felt inspired to write about many things

Many, many, many - and due to OCPD and some other abbreviations that indicate hyper vigilance - I am conflicted as to go chronological or alphabetical

I guess chronological:

being born as a fucking empath and INFJ apparently, with a wacky fucking astrology placement and then having empathy for my abusers or the people who abused others around me

Alcoholism

Molestation

Depression

Self Harm Talk

admitting to the molestation

Gaslighting Grooming LoveBombjng leading up to breaking up with a sweet sweet heart and destoying my best friend as well bc she had a crush on the guy whonwooed me losing my virginity freshman year to him a junior only to be dumped two months later after 6 months of “courting”

seclusion

Recklessness

wanton behavior

abortion

methanphetamines without needing rehab thankfully

more bad choices

graduate high school With a B minus average even though I’ve missed 45 days throughout the school year of one class

abortion

black out drunk tendencies

violence on my behalf towards men resulting in strange phonecalls

gaslighting love bombing married a narcissist, didn’t know it was a narcissist had two children was abused the whole time neglected all of us

suicide - my dad SIGSWTTH

I CLEANED UP HIS BRAINS OFF THE FENCE THE NEXT DAY WHILE I WAS FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT-AND GAVE HIS EULOGY LESS THAN TWO WEEKS LATER

Insert

CPTSD

PMDD

GAD

OCPD

divorced 10 years later

but there were three psychotic breaks

the first one didn’t lead to institutionalization,

the second one didn’t either

but for the third

I raised my hand and fucking volunteered for it twice in two weeks

because

molestation forced stuff

8 victims that we know of all under the age of eight I’ll mail all within two block radius of my home and the perpetrators home. We all lived right there.

Suicidal ideation

Feeling better now

2025 was fucking hard

Have rough days

But I still wake up every day and I try to have a good day

But there’s lots of triggers, lots and lots and lots of triggers

so I’m not gonna write about all those things in detail not today because this week was hard, but I’m glad for so many of us because of one person’s post

and of course, Sub stack is acting weird, so I can’t at her right now

to all of you who shared your brave stories too. I’m grateful.

🌟💡❤️‍🩹😎❤️‍🔥❣️🔆🌟☪️💖